Names for wedding reception tables?

Instead of calling the tables at the wedding reception "Table 1, Table 2, etc.," is it lame to name them after varietals? And, if so, how much offense should one take to being seated at the Pinotage table?

"Don’t get me started on the Gadsden Purchase"

Ok, this press release may not be wine related, but it's super funny.

Wine tasting tips from "The Onion"

Here they are. My personal favorite? "The quality of a wine is inversely proportional to the viciousness of the animal depicted on the label."

If the presidential candidates were wines, what wines would they be?

Just for fun, I've decided to run through the front running candidates for president, and try and figure out which wine they would be. Ok, that's really just an excuse for me to get briefly political, but keep true to the theme of this blog.

Hillary Clinton
Clinton's the easiest one of the bunch: Chardonnay. A lot of people love Chardonnay, and a lot of people hate it. Need I say more?

John Edwards
Edwards would be Cabernet Franc. After all, Cabernet Franc's greatest claim to fame is when it's blended with another wine, but rarely reaches the highest heights when it stands on its own.

Rudy Giuliani
Pinot noir can be a thin skinned wine that can still exhibit amazing character if it ripens under greater than normal heat. However, Pinot can have a short lifespan. After a few years, the qualities that drew your initial attention will fade and you'll wonder why you liked it to begin with.

Michael Huckabee
A Viognier, with some character on the nose but often no real structure to the body.

John McCain
No doubt, McCain's Syrah. A wine that can improve with age, and can be described as meaty and powerful yet moderate (compared to other reds).

Barack Obama
Obama's a Sauvignon blanc. Under the right conditions, Sauvignon blanc can improve and develop over time. Or, the wine can be pleasant up front, but doesn't have the depth to improve and simply fades away.

Mitt Romney
A Riesling can range from sweet to dry, and seems like it can't make up its mind. If any wine could be called a flip-flopper, Riesling would be it.

Fred Thompson
While a Vintage Port has depth, nuance and some fire, it is completely undervalued by the market.

UPDATE: An individual known only as "Chicago Guy" disagrees with the Thompson analysis:

I think the explanation for Thompson is wrong. He may be a port, but ports are "fortified" with extra liquor as a preservative. Also, they tend to have more "free radicals" as they have been aging for years and exposed to the elements for a bit too long. This causes the port to be complex at first taste, but because of the extra alcohol and free radicals, only a small amount can be drunk at one time and often leaves a headache and regrets the next day.

To which I reply: Bollocks. To quote Samuel Johnson, "Claret is the liquor for boys; Port, for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy." So, as I'm sure Thompson would say, man up and enjoy some Port (and a snifter of brandy while you're at it, too).

(BTW, he's confusing a Tawny Port for a Vintage Port, in that Vintage Ports receive a similar amount of barrel aging as a typical high-end claret. Tawnies can age for decades.)